Deeper Tendencies

One thing I've learned to do over the years is control my temper. I know I've mentioned this in earlier posts. I would say that my two worse features are my temper and my tendency to needlessly worry about everything making me somewhat controlling. I've learned to let go a bit, but I'm by no means close to being able to let go. Imagine, then, a situation where I worry and worry all the while being pissed off.

I have learned over the years to observe myself in order to assess my behavior. I am not unreflexive. Yet there are times where I simply cannot control myself. I see myself and I know how I appear but still I can't control it. Why can't one stop herself in the midst of behavior she knows isn't benefitting anyone? After the fog wears off, I always feel a sense of regret and embarrassment. Some situations (and some people) just bring it out in me. What is that?