it's the little things

Literally. We have a functional house by all intents and purposes. But we still need to finish the little things. The list is long and my patience and time seem to be running short. Little things that take forever.

Took a nice vacation at Martha's Vineyard. This vacation consisted mostly of sitting on the porch and reading Bossypants and Endgame: The Problem of Civilization: two great tastes that taste great together.

In all seriousness: reading Endgame reminds me so thoroughly of the horror that is to come. I don't hold out much hope that this can all change and we can turn this massive, unsustainable ship around. There are too few viable alternatives, too little will to do what it takes - whatever that is, and too much entrenched power and tacit belief that we are, indeed, at the end of history.

I am trying to read Jensen critically and I'm holding off on reading the book reviews so that I can assess how I feel and what I think about this work. I think that it's informed a number of activists' tactics and thinking. I can't see how it wouldn't. It's moving and it's a call to action steeped in urgency. Why wouldn't it cannonical?

The problem is, it makes me feel like my efforts are not enough* and the efforts around environmental sustainability (or whatever is appropriate to call it) are nothing if not insufficient. Frankly, it's all very scary and makes me want to hide under the covers rather than be more firmly committed to the work that I am doing.

*My friend Bryan would call this liberal bullshit or something. Who am *I* to take the weight of the world on my shoulders?

I probably was inappropriate

But I'm not sure it matters.

I was chatting with an old friend yesterday with whom I waited tables back in the day. We were discussing the fact that the owner wasn't a big fan of either of us. In part, he didn't like me because I brought my politics to work, which my friend conceded *was* inappropriate. And it probably was. I wasn't much fun in those days. I had a hard time seeing past my white-hot anger. If you haven't worked food service before, I can attest that servers bare witness to some petulant, spoiled behavior. In the face of people making a big deal over the fact that they don't get a second basket of chips and salsa for free (which cost a buck fifty and signified to me typical American bloat), I couldn't help but want to jolt some perspective into the assholes. Ordinarily I didn't take my anger out on my customers and most customers were a-ok. But I was in that newly radicalized phase of my politicization and, frankly, I would not want to be friends when then-me. I'm sure I was mildly unbearable.

THAT SAID - I'm not quite sure that it's a good idea not to be as white-hot angry as I was. In some ways, I was responding to the vast and overwhelming injustice that prevails to this day - that manifests itself in over-consumption and petty self-centeredness that makes "Americans" the butt of many jokes and the site of much global disdain.

Take this debt ceiling nonsense. I'm not a big fan of the state as an entity. However, the state is currently the place where resources are collectivized and distributed. The batshit crazy tea party conservatives have completely gutted any and all wealth redistribution allowing the uber rich to get richer, continue to buy the government and shape public opinion, and leave the ordinary person - most of us - adrift. This is a populist movement funded by very wealthy people (which makes the resource mobilization perspective in social movements compelling).

Is this country that conservative? Or apathetic? What is it?

I can't help but believe that the norm of not talking about your politics, the norm of "politeness," lends to overwhelming dearth of response to this madness. Of course, it's also a function of the corporate media and the distracted, busy nature of our lives. I just can't decide whether the anger is worth it. Do I let myself feel this injustice or do I just keep on doing what I do - teaching, organizing, reading, writing things that no one reads, complaining a little in the blogosphere and facebook? Probably.