If I were to describe to you the state of my brain, I envision its contents as a bunch of lego pieces that don't quite fit together and sit in a state of disarray at the base of my skull. They giggle a lot and make a lot of noise and as a result, the nothing fits, nothing works (Chris describes these as "bees in the brain"). I have had a harder time than usual concentrating and it occurs to me that there is so much going on in my life right now that I should forgive myself. But the rhythm of academic life doesn't stop and it's ohsoeasy to fall way behind. There is never a finished to-do list. Some people thrive on that whether they'll admit it or not. There are those people who feel a bit lost if they're not really busy. I might be one of those people. But, I also know the value of leisure. Yet, I think I've lost sight of what that looks like. Best I can manage is going to yoga.
I am leaving the above paragraph in-tact in all of its disarray because that's how my head feels right now. This blog will hopefully help me sort all this out systematically, one topic at a time - my feelings of intellectual inadequacy (this is common so no boo-hooing), the impending responsibility of buying a home, the pressure to finish comps so that I can live in said home with my husband who is leaving very soon, the knots in my shoulders and neck that never seem to dissolve, my inability to sit and stew with a task for more than 15 minutes (save this blog), my intense homesickness, my worries about my financial future, my incessant tendency to look for a way out of grad school. feeling overwhelmed and guilty every time I open my email account because . All of these are worthy topics so stay tuned. This is, of course, unless the blog then becomes another "burden". My hope is that it will help me sort through all of these burdened feelings rather than contribute to them.
No edits, just posting. Here it goes.
No comments:
Post a Comment